I'm not going to be one of those people who uses her blog to whine and complain about her job. People like that annoy me for so many reasons, the first of which being that it's the opposite of any kind of professionalism. So I won't whine and complain about my job, and I certainly won't use any specifics. What I will say, though, is that I had been feeling so much better about work and about the kids and about classroom management....things have been going smoothly, I've been able to actually teach, and the minor discipline issues that have come out have been (basically) easily diffused. This week, a bomb went off in my nice little work world, though, and now I have no idea what the rest of this school year will be like. On the one hand, my kids behaved terribly on Friday and made me crazy trying to get control back every three minutes and there really isn't an option as far as disciplining and corrective action that is working or that is available. So it's frustrating, but it doesn't even really compare to the rest of the issues. In the last day and a half I've been thinking for the first time about whether I want to stay at my school next year and whether I even want to stay in my county...I sat in stopped traffic yesterday in the middle of six thousand cars and surrounded by orange construction cones and orange construction signs and construction cranes and construction dump trucks and all I could do was sob. I miss my mountains. I miss my cute little downtown and I miss having only one store in all of town and I miss my family. I miss actually being around my family for longer than a day at a time. I miss NOT being surrounded by asphalt and buildings and other people. And I know that there's a definite correlation between my job taking a sudden turn for the worse and my new strong dislike for my surroundings, and I know that I'm also just in my October slump of unhappiness and it will surely pass...but I also feel like possibilities have opened back up again. If I don't stay at my school another year, then why couldn't I look for a job somewhere else? What do I really have tying me to this area that I seem to not love? But then the avalanche of thoughts (that are completely unnecessary considering it's only October) start crashing through, like: my queen bed came with my apartment so if I move then I'll have a queen sheet and comforter set but no queen mattress. I guess that's the stuff I'll realistically have to think about if I move...but not yet. Now I just need to think about...tomorrow.
And I need to talk about something other than the fact that Friday was a really bad day. So I'm just going to type and fill you in on all the random pieces of my life as they pop into my head. Feel free to read or not read as I start to become uninteresting.
I got to see some dear old friends this weekend. One of said friends, who I went to both high school and college with, came up from Winchester Friday night to visit. She hadn't been to my new place yet and it was so good to hang out with her, to sit and catch up with her, and to have an old animated movie from our childhoods playing even though we're not really watching it because I'm painting and she's trying to fix the Amazon Downloader on my computer. I love just being able to BE with friends like that and not feeling like you have to be doing something special. Another one of the friends I got to see is almost 8 months pregnant and there was a baby shower for her friends and family up here in Nova. After completely mismanaging my morning and getting stuck in the stupid traffic I mentioned earlier, I was a half hour late for the baby shower, and I had also had a brain shut down when I was getting dressed that morning and showed up to a formal baby shower in jeans...but there's grace from good friends and no one seemed to notice or care except me. But it was so good to see her and to be able to share in that experience with her. The third dear friend I was able to see was the best because it was a complete surprise. Becca Popp (who technically isn't Popp anymore but will always be in my heart) is the college best friend of the honoree of the baby shower. She lives pretty far away now though so I haven't seen her in a year and a half and wasn't expecting her to be at the shower. It was so good to see her and catch up and to hear about her life.
If you're looking for some fall listening music, I have several recommendations. I made a playlist this week that includes: Mumford and Sons, The Civil Wars, Adele, The Avett Brothers, Brooke Fraser, and John Mark McMillan. There's a fall playlist if I've ever seen one. It's kind of guaranteed to make your iPod or car stereo blow up from happiness, though. So be warned. I've also went ahead and made some music purchases last night that include Amos Lee and Johnny Cash. Because few things make me happier than Johnny Cash. Let's be serious.
Okay...time to start my Sunday of productivity.
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