Finding inspiration

I'm sure a lot of you know this about me, but I've always wanted to be a writer. An author, actually. I tried writing a book a couple years ago and got pretty far, but just couldn't quite figure out the ending. And some of the middle. I'm really proud of most of what I wrote, but overall it just didn't ever feel right - didn't feel like enough - and then Charlotte was born and I put that dream away for a little bit. I always knew I would try again a different time, but to be completely honest, I wasn't really sure what else I had to write about. I have a deeply embedded dream to be a writer, but not a lot of ideas for what I want to actually write. And that has really messed with my confidence. What kind of writer doesn't have anything to say?

In the last couple weeks, though, I've felt that nudge again. So many writers that I follow and admire have been blogging and Instagramming about how if you've ever wanted to write, it's time to do it. They've been pushing and encouraging and being that voice in my head reminding me that there will always be excuses. There will always be other things. That image I have always clung to of a nice, quiet office with a view of the woods and a cup of coffee and lots of natural light and no distractions or obligations just probably won't ever exist (I mean, parts of it will, but not that last part). There will always be a kid, husband, or dog who needs me. And a meal that needs to be cooked. And a house that needs to be cleaned. And laundry that needs to be put away. Those things aren't the enemies (duh), they're just life. It's my full time job, and I don't want that to change. I do want to figure out how to incorporate writing into that full time job, though.

I might never write a great American novel. I might never get published, and I might never be a household name. But maybe I will. Or maybe I will one day get to say that I've done one of those things and just get published. (I say "just," but that would be the most awesome thing of all.) This is something that I have always wanted, and always felt a pull towards, and that's important. That matters.

So...I'm writing again. I've gotten a flood of ideas and have spent a lot of time jotting down every thought that pops into my head (once, I literally jumped off the treadmill to write because I had too many ideas to wait till my workout was done), and I'm working on organizing them into coherent plans. Which ideas will work together for a single book? Which ones can be built upon to form their own books? I'm not sure what will really come out of all the lists and thoughts, but I do know that I have a new book started. I'm really excited about all my notes, and I'm diving in. Because, to quote Finding Forrester, "a writer writes," right?