"Such a Hater"

First of all, I need to say that I have never gotten so behind on my television shows. I’ve watched one episode of Parenthood since Christmas. I’m finishing one episode of Parks and Rec as we speak. Oh, I guess I did watch one of New Girl. The point is, though, that having a boyfriend means that shocking priorities change. I’ll catch up eventually, but for now I kind of think it’s funny. I think my mother loves it. Time for some random stories and anecdotes from the week.

My kids will not shut up about the stupid Super Bowl. Actually, it’s probably more fair to say that the world won’t shut up about the stupid Super Bowl. Apparently it’s a big deal or something. But when the two teams in the Super Bowl are the Patriots (gag) and the team that beat your favorite stupid team out of the Super Bowl, you get a little grumpy about all the hype. Yesterday in fifth block, someone brought up the stupid Super Bowl….again. One of my students, whose favorite team is the Giants and who is also the student I told to get out of my face the day after they beat my team, was laying on his stomach on my back counter with his head laying on a pillow (just painting the Friday afternoon picture for you). When someone asked me what I thought about the Super Bowl – knowing full well how I felt about it – I said immediately and casually “I hate the Super Bowl. I hate both teams. I hope they both lose and they all spontaneously break their legs.” Giants fan on the back counter just shook his head and said “You’re such a hater, Miss Melchione.”

With a new nine weeks, I started some new policies. I started Tuesday off saying that since we’ve now spent a whole semester together, I am very aware of all the things that they do that make me angry and I’m now going to do something about it. So I turned their attention to the bulletin board behind my desk, that had two pieces of paper on it. One said “I was late,” and one said “I didn’t read,” and I explained that it’s a three-strikes policy where their name gets written on the list the first time and checks next to their name the second and third time, and then I’m writing a report for the Assistant Principal. Throughout the day, I added three more sheets of paper as I saw more things that make me angry: “I didn’t put my journal and/or book away,” “I didn’t come to class prepared,” and a bathroom list where they only get three trips for the marking period. LOTS of whining commenced. And continued. If you saw my face right now you would see how little I care. One of my girls – family and frequent readers: yes, THAT girl – got really mad Thursday when I wrote her name on the “I didn’t read list.” She had asked me if she could lay with a pillow on the back counter “just for silent reading time,” and I said yes, just as long as her butt was back in her seat as soon as I start class. She read for two minutes and then slept for 18 minutes, which to me means that she didn’t read. She disagreed. So she spent all afternoon Thursday and all morning Friday whining to me and the other teachers about how I had the nerve to write her name on the “I didn’t read list.” I figured she would bounce back by reading the whole twenty minutes yesterday to prove to me that she does her work and it was my mistake to try to fault her for her nap. But how did she respond? Oh, she slept for the ENTIRE class. Walked in, fell asleep, and woke up when the announcements came on and everyone was stacking chairs and putting things away. She missed silent reading time, a test, a music video, a classwork assignment, and me reading aloud for ten minutes. She did all of this in the middle of me yelling the whole class period, not because I was mad and they were being bad, but because their volume is much louder on Fridays and so is mine. She woke up about 17 times – I watched her – and rolled over to go back to sleep. Yeah, that’ll show me. I put a check next to her name on the “I didn’t read list.” (And in case you were wondering: no, it’s not my job to wake up my sleeping students. They’re big kids. Sleep through my test or notes or a classwork grade? Take the zero. That’s life, kid.)

Two conversations that happened yesterday:

Student: Miss Melchione, can you take me to Chipotle?
Me: No.
Student: But there’s a Chick-Fil-A right there. You can get yourself something too.
Me: …no.
Student: There’s an Arby’s…a Starbucks…come on Miss Melchione.

(after I said something about Facebook)
Student 1: You have Facebook?
Student 2: Oh yeah! She’s got Facebook.
(all other students in the class nod and agree)
Student 3: Yeah, I found you.
Student 4: My brother was searching for you and we found you. Did you know there’s a man in your picture?
Student 5: The bald one.
Student 6: Wearing a yellow shirt.
Me: This is why all you can see is my profile picture. And why I will decline every single friend request.